Why did the dumb blonde scale the chain-link fence?
To see what was on the other side.
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
In case she locks the keys in her car.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.
Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
So brunettes can remember them.
If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette – the blonde would have to stop for directions!
Why did God create blondes?
Because sheep can’t bring beer from the fridge.
Why didn’t the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She just blow dried her hair and she didn’t want it blown around too much.
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks “Where did you get that?”
The pig says, “I won her in a raffle!”
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said from 2-4 years.
What does a blonde owl say?
Why is the blonde’s brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.
The cook asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”
How many blondes does it take to play tag?
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
“Oh look! Donut seeds!”
How do you make a blonde’s eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
How do you get a blonde out of a tree?
Short Story Jokes
There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.
The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he’d give her $50. The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play his game.
The lawyer fires his first question “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?”
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. The blonde then asked the lawyer “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”
The lawyer’s face looked extremely puzzled. He spent several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer. Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.00.
The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word. The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, “Well, what is answer?”
The blonde glanced at him with a smirk on her face and handed him a $5 bill.
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped. “Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was…”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”
A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly.
As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. “I’m doing great! I love it!
The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this.”
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn’t radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.
He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said,
“I don’t know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold.
I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!”
Thanks for reading and share your own jokes in the box below.